Sunday, July 26, 2015

A Blessing and A Curse... I Didn't Ask For

WARNING: This is a far cry from my typical post. Today, I'm going to let you into my life a little, let you know more about the woman behind the blog. Let you in on some of the things that plague this ole' mind of mine, let's call it venting. So, if you're here to read a post strictly about uncluttering your home or planner printables, you may want to exit stage left. 
Thanks for visiting. 
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It seems as though lately my fuse has been quite short when it comes to certain subjects, one subject in particular that has been consistently sending me over the edge is my looks.

For instance, recently someone pointed to my stomach and said, “I remember when that was tighter.” That comment was quickly followed by the fake question, “You haven’t been taking care of yourself, have you?" On another day, a co-worker stated to me, 'I figured you would wear the shirt that says, "Are You Loaded" because you want to know if they have a lot of money." Basically inferring that I look like a gold-digger. Discussing the exchange with another co-worker she said, "Just take it as a compliment because gold-diggers are normally pretty." Um... so yeah... thankfully in both cases I kept my cool.

One would think that I would be used to hearing statements such as these since I dabbled in modeling as a young woman. Being an African American woman, I have been blessed with fuller hips and a round bottom.  The amount of times these ears have heard the words “needs to diet, lose the booty, too thick, or she cant’ fit the sample size” is immeasurable. And I can not tell you the amount of times it was assumed that I only wanted the guys that drove nice cars or that could buy me things. But this time it was different, the statements stood out… why? Let me give you some backstory…

Since I can remember, I have always been the pretty face. Some of you may be thinking, “Awe poor thing, that’s such a terrible problem to have. I wouldn’t mind having that problem.” When I was a teenager and on into my twenties I didn’t see it as a problem either. Honestly, there were times I enjoyed the attention that came along with being the pretty face, which is why I dabbled in modeling.

However, in playing out my role as “the pretty face” I discovered that having this face brought a lot of hatred and/or envy my way. Wanting everyone to be comfortable and to have “genuine friends,” I also fell into the role of being a people pleaser. How so?  As I interacted with people, I found that if I wanted to be accepted there was a limit to how pretty I could be but at the same time there was a level of expectation for how pretty I should be. Not wanting to feel left out or have anyone hate me I fit myself in everyone else’s box for me. I found that most did not care to truly know more about me than what they saw staring back at them. I found that they often assumed there was no depth to me or that I was conceited because of how I looked. I found that they had no real interest in what I thought, felt, or wanted; I was there to add some pretty to the room. So I gave them what they wanted, a measured level of pretty and someone to conform to their wishes and listen to their demands.

All of this has led to me being a woman that is hidden behind the face that everyone wants to see and not hear. A woman that has an uncanny ability to suppress her feelings so much so that many people think she has none.

Which takes me back to my opening statements… as the years have rolled by things have not changed much, I am still known as the pretty face. I am still expected to stay within this certain box of pretty. I have people that I love dearly that after introducing me to someone new say “Isn’t she pretty?” In the back of mind I think, is that all you recognize me for? In the past three years have I not shown that there is more to me? Am I not kind? Sweet? Caring? Loving? Anything… anything other than pretty? Do they feel that its something that I wish to hear? Or have I been in my box so long that I haven’t allowed anyone to see that there’s more to me?

As I contemplate the answer to my own questions, I am reminded of the words to Beyonce’s song Pretty Hurts. In that song she sings:

Ain’t got no doctor or pill that can take the pain away
The pains inside and nobody frees you from your body
It’s the soul, it’s the soul that needs surgery
It’s my soul that needs surgery
Plastic smiles and denial can only take you so far
Then you break when the fake façade leaves you in the dark
You’re left with shattered mirrors and the shards of a beautiful girl

She concludes the song by twice asking the question, “Are you happy with yourself?”

As a mature woman, I answer that question for myself, in the quiet of my alone time, releasing the façade everyone else desires to see and being real with myself freed from the confines of my box, my answer is a firm no.

It’s a no not because I am shallow and have relied on my looks to get by. Not because I have no other interests beyond beauty. It’s a no because I have allowed myself to be put in a box. It’s a no because I felt that I needed to please others and seek their acceptance to be happy. It’s because I lacked the confidence to stand on my own and freely show everyone the woman that I really am. It’s because I’ve allowed them to dim my light…

This is not the end of my journey; I’m just the beginning. I am determined to emerge a strong woman showing that my happiness starts from within and others that are allowed to stay in my life can only enhance that happiness.

In this slideshow you will see a few modeling pics but more importantly you see who I am as a woman. You will see that I love to laugh, read, and be with family and friends. You will see the woman that the majority choose to ignore, instead choosing to reduce the sum of me to my looks. 







Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Cleaning Out My Closet For Spring

A few weeks ago I shared a couple of photos, on Instagram, hinting that I was in the middle of spring cleaning my main closet and switching out fall/winter clothes for spring/summer clothes. I figured I'd share the end result with you today.

The first thing I did was empty out the closet and clean it, making sure to get all the dust bunnies to vacate the premises. Then I went through and separated out the cold weather clothes. Lets be honest. I live in the Central Valley California, other than a few thick sweaters, scarves, and a few pairs of boots, there's not much to my cold weather clothing. But I did remove the darker colored clothes from the closet and added in my brighter clothes. 

While I was at it I went through everything and made piles for donation and trash. The trash pile is on the left and the donations are on the right.

Then it was time to store away my winter clothes.

 I use two canvas bags that slide under the bed to store everything and the packing paper is to stuff my boots.

This is why I had packing paper for my boots. If I were to store my boots like this until next winter they would be disfigured when I pull them out.


So after they are cleaned I stuff to maintain their original shape. Now they are ready for the summertime slumber.

Here they are all packed and ready for storage under the bed.

Now lets look at the cleaned out closet.


The top box contains a few hats and the bottom box has my bikinis and beach coverups.



I need to replenish my supply, I got rid of 6 pairs of shoes

The left side is so hard to photograph.



Flip flops are just waiting to make a reappearance for 2015.

While I was at I decided to tidy up my dresser drawers too. Top drawer has my undergarments and sleepwear.

Middle drawer has t-shirts, tank tops and lightweight sweaters.

Bottom drawer has all my workout gear.

Side note: Did anyone else notice the abnormal amount of black or black and white I have in my wardrobe? Seriously people it's an obsession, I need therapy. I think it comes from my modeling days when the mentality was, "black makes you look thin." But I have friend that's a personal shopper and she's been working with me on adding splashes of color through my shirts and scarves.

Anyway I digress... have you done any spring cleaning yet?





Friday, March 27, 2015

A Quick Revisit To The Master Bedroom

Good day all!

It seems that as of late I have been all consumed with everything related to planners (hopefully you don't mind too much) but I thought it was time to get back our regularly scheduled program. What better way to do that than by revisiting one of my previous post. I thought I would share the place where I lay my head at night, the master bedroom, with you since I have a few new followers that may not have seen the space.

There are so many elements in this room that I love, I would be hard pressed to narrow it down to one thing. The room is filled with little moments that make me smile before turning off the lights and closing my eyes at night. All the personal touches that represent everything that's important to us.









Because we all lead very busy lives, I've tried to keep the feel of the room very tranquil, using shades of white, cream, brown, and accents of turquoise. On the bed, I only use white or ivory sheets to keep with the spa-like feeling. I love pulling back the comforter and crawling between the sheets and feeling the cold crisp sheets against my skin. There's nothing I look forward to more than getting into my bed, made with a set freshly laundered sheets, and falling asleep. 

Since, spring is now here and it's time to switch out our winter bedding for the summer bedding, I'm thinking of getting a new set of sheets for the warmer weather. Honestly, I'm always on the hunt for quality bedding because this Cal-King of ours is not cheap to outfit. Lately, I've been perusing Parachute bedding looking for our next set. I have spied a few on there that I can't wait to take for a test drive. I'll let you know how it goes. May the odds be ever in my favor! 


Till next time...




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